If

If. 

Just a small word to look at, but such a huge job it has. 

If I do...

If I should...

If I don't...

If I can't...

If I won't...

If I will...

What if you do?

What if you don't?

What if I don't?

What if we don't?

What if they don't?

But then again, what if they do?

What if I had chosen a different career?

What if my childhood had been different?

What if I didn't believe?

In myself. In God. In the good of others. In the power of honesty and hard work. 

What if I didn't have my amazing friends? What if I didn't have the knowledge and wisdom to know who my true friends are?

What if I had given a care about peer pressure?

What if I never stopped dancing?

What if I never lived in the city?

What if people were no longer hateful and cruel to those who can't defend themselves?

People and animals alike. 

What if I never met him?

What if I never pushed myself out of my comfort zone?

What if I didn't inherit my mom's creative genes?

What if we had more time?

What if I get sick one day?

What if I liked coffee?

What if cardigans were never invented?

What if I never discovered scrapbooking?

What if people were held accountable?

What if I accepted things at face value?

What if people really understood what teaching really is all about?

What if I couldn't read? Or worse, what if I wasn't allowed to?

What if we lived in a world that was free of hate, violence and fear?

What if you had to sacrifice come of the comforts you are accustomed to in order to achieve that? Would you still be willing?

What if you, a single person, had not only the right to- but the power to make a change? Oh wait...we do. In the choices we make. The reactions we have. What we choose to take action or not take action with.

Today is voting day in the US.

What if you get out there and make a choice? Stand up. Make your voice heard.

But then again, what if you don't do it.

Please vote. 

Just think of what can happen if you do.

Dear Autism

Dear Autism,
       There are a few things I have been meaning to say to you for awhile and I think there is no time like the present to let it out. You see, when I was in 6th grade many years ago I did a science project on you. Back then (early 90's) people didn't know a whole lot about you and you were referred to as childhood schizophrenia. Crazy, huh? Fast forward a decade or two and it turns out I spend most of my daylight hours battling you, and yes, marveling at you. Fighting for my students, trying to unlock them from your grasp.

       I see you every day in the eyes of my students. And the reflection of you in their families.
      And I have to tell you, I am not happy about it.
      You change people's lives.
      You change parent's dreams. You know, the ones where they dreamed of family vacations and soccer games and conversations with their child. Often times, these dreams are replaced with dreams of new therapies and hopes of conversation become hopes for functional communication. And instead of cheering at baseball games, they are fighting for the rights of their children. That doesn't really seem fair.
     
        Forgive me, Autism, but you suck.
   
       And yet, you do have a few redeeming qualities.

       I may be biased, but I think my students are awesome and that in some ways they are far more fortunate than the rest of us. They are so passionate about the things they find joy in. They live in the moment. They don't hold grudges, they rarely lie and they don't waste time doing things they don't really want to be doing. Many have brilliant minds, they see things for how they really are. They love unconditionally and they certainly enjoy life. They work harder than many people I know. They live the definition of an authentic life.
      I will not fault you on those qualities, for they are gifts. But please, for the love of all things good, release the chokehold you possess.

Let our kids sleep.
Let them tell us what they need.
Let them have meaningful social experiences.
Let them just be kids.

      I understand that this is asking a lot, but won't you see what you can do? In the meantime we will continue to celebrate our children and their amazing gifts. Cheering their successes and helping them navigate their challenges, and loving them the whole way through. Searching for the answers to the secrets you hold.

     If you think that is too much to ask, then please at least consider making yourself less elusive so that our children can be understood and accepted for the incredible beings that they are.

    Thanks for letting me vent. Now get about releasing that secret. Please.

                                                                                                                            Sincerely,
                                                                                                                             Melissa

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To learn more about autism, please visit Autism Speaks

a relationship in numbers

Five Years 

In 5 years we've had a lot of numbers. 

8 Christmas trees decorated. Remember when we used to decorate two per year. One at my apartment and one at yours?

7 airplane trips. I used to squeeze your hand so tight when taking off and landing.

6 graduations. We survived grad school!
 

1 romantic first anniversary dinner overlooking Boston (which I unfortunately, ahem..."redeposited" later that evening).

5 spoooooooky dinners.

8 weddings attended. 

2 ski trips. 

1 sunrise canoe ride after a very eventful night on the cape. 

3 trips to Bermuda. 

2 awesome cats. 

2 trips to the hospital. One each.

8 baseball games. (that I can remember)

0 days without talking to each other. 

1 sailing lesson. 

10 birthday cakes. You make the best.

1 evening ice skating on Frog Pond. 

3 fall getaways. 

1 home purchase. 

about 100 kitchen dances.

4 St. Patrick day celebrations.

4 summers on the Cape.

2 black friday trips after Thanksgiving dinner.

100's of evening walks. 

5 moves (combined).

2 deaths. 

8 babies born. 

1000's of skipped heartbeats. 

Countless smiles and laughs.

Immeasurable love.

I'm in.

Can I possibly put one more thing on my plate?

No seriously. I kind of feel lke if I take on one more thing to do right now that my head might explode. 

But lo and behold, this morning as I am laying in bed, trying to muster up the energy to go pick up a paintbrush, I find this little gem in my inbox...and against my better judgment I open it.



Before you know it, the first two emails in my inbox are titled
"Thanks for your payment to shimelle.com"
and
"Welcome to True Stories"

Wait...what?! How did that happen??

Next thought in my head:
"Are you crazy, girl?"

But here's the thing. Well first of all, Shimelle's classes are not only super inspiring, but they are go-at-your-own-pace. As in, maybe I will do one today, maybe I'll do one in two weeks. There is no crunch to get them in on time and that is so important right now.

I just didn't see how I could pass up this opportunity.
I miss creating. I miss blogging.
I miss telling my stories.
I love my mac, but I am a sucker for picking up a pen and piece of paper.

I want need to get back to basics.
I need a little more simplicity right now.

Although taking one more thing on my plate should be making my head explode (as mentioned above), signing up for this course has actually created a sense of calm. It's like all of the thoughts in my mind just found out that their time off request has been approved and they can breathe a little easier. So start packing up, thoughts and stories, you're about to take a little trip. Onto paper.

And yes, I could use that right now.

What do you think? Will you join too?